How Does it Feel to Become a Vampire?

Andi asked me this one night. I didn't know how to answer her at the time. But now I have thought about it. There are two stages in becoming a vampire. One is the bite and the other is the change your body goes though.

The bite. If you think that it is as nice as getting kissed on the neck. You are wrong. It hurts. It hurts if the bite gets interrupted. If it doesn't then there is a pain killer that is released in the bite that numbs you. I think some people like it. John says its like getting Novocaine.

When Steopa bit me, it was one of the most painful things that ever happened to me. If you have been bitten by a dog, or maybe another person, then you know how it feels. The pressure of the bite, the puncture of the fangs. You can feel the mouth and the tongue sucking the blood. Not romantic at all. You know that your blood is draining from you. Your body reacts. I pissed my pants.

If the bite is unfinished. In other words if the painkiller is not released, you may become a vampire. Some people change in a few hours, others take days.

What does it feel like?

It feels like your entire body is rewiring itself. You teeth change. You lose your molars and gain the fangs. Your heart stops. You don't have to breathe. But when your lungs stop working, you don't panic. So it is not like being underwater and not being able to get to the surface. Everything below the waist, except for your legs, stops working.

Most vampires don't remember the change, most were buried or laying in the morgue when it happens. I remember. I was conscious. I had found Steopa. Vincent thought if Steopa bit me again, the change would stop. It didn't. When it happened, after the first moments of panic, it was actually interesting. Weird, I know. But have you ever had small surgery done, like getting stitches? And they only numb that part of your body. You can watch them sew your skin up. It was like that. You know the things are happening, but you are not really experiencing them.

When all that rearranging, and rebuilding ends. It's like someone takes a mesh mask off your face. You can see, hear, taste, smell, and feel more. There are things you can now experience that your human mind would not have been able to process. And everything is geared for the hunt. Steopa says it's like we changed from a herd animal to a predator. I agree.

Why do you think some people take days and other hours to change?

Steopa's Great Grandfather's Diary

Ogden invited us to his house last night. He took us to his library.

You have to see this library. Two stories of books. He has three of those ladder that run on wheels around the room. He has one large desk and an even larger table. The books look old and they feel old. Have you ever been into a room full of old books. There is a smell that comes off them. This room reeks of that.

"I was in Russia last week," he said. He put a small, but thick book on the table. "I bought this off my regular dealer. You might find it interesting."

He gave it to Steopa.

Steopa opened to the front plate. I have been learning Russian, but I could only make out a few words. Steopa closed the book. I could tell he was surprised and a little upset, even though the expression on his face did not change.

"How much have you read?" Steopa asked.

"The entire thing. Is that a relative?" Ogden asked.

Steopa did not say anything.

"It could be fiction," Ogden said.

"Can I have it?" Steopa asked.

Ogden agreed.

After we left and returned home, Steopa showed me the book. "This might be about my great grandfather."

I was surprised, he never talked about him before. "Are you sure?"

Steopa shook his head. "No. I only heard stories from people outside of my family, my father did not say much. But the name of the writer is Matvey. That was my grandfather's name. He told me once that he had written down the last months of his father's life. This could be that document."

"Why didn't you tell Ogden this might be from your ancestor?"

"Because he read it. He already knows the truth."

Steopa wouldn't tell me any more. He locked the book in the safe he uses for the few valuables he has. He won't talk about it. I can tell he wants to, but he won't.

Should I pry?

You see why Steopa is sweet.

Steopa and I had a fight last night. This is what he gave me:

Dearest Rebecka,

There are times I forget that you have not been a vampire as long as I have. That is good. I feel as if we have known each other longer than the few short years we have.

When we argued last night, I let my stubbornness block me from hearing your side. You were right. When you left our place, something was missing. We have been apart before, but last night, it felt as if we had been separated. There was a hollowness in me, something I have never felt before. When I felt that void, I knew that amends had to be made.

One thing that has not changed, in all the centuries I have been on this world, is that some people cannot say they are sorry. I am not one of them.

Rebecka, I am sorry.

Eternal Love

Steopa

You can see why I love him.

Twilight

I have to get this post over with, because too many people have been bothering me about it.

I've read Twilight. And you are going to expect me to hate it right away because I am a vampires. Yes, and no.

If I would have read it when I was still human, I would have loved it. I would have fallen for Edward. Why not? He was watching over Bela all the time. He wanted her. I would have loved someone like that, when I was alive.

But I was messed up then, I wanted people to take care of me. And if some guy, a good looking guy, came around and told me that they wanted to do that. I would have welcomed them with open arms. Even if they were as controlling as Edward is.

But I read it after I changed.

Steopa never would have sneaked into my room and watch me sleep. He is a gentlemen. Edward is a control freak. Borderline abusive. When I wanted to see my brother after I changed. Steopa told me his fears, but HE LET ME GO! He let me talk to my brother. He let me decide if I wanted to come back. I doubt Edward would have done that. He would have let her go, then hung out outside like a stalker.

The interpretation of vampires is not as horrible as most people say. They don't like the sparkling vampire. I did laugh. I read that part to Steopa and he shrugged.

"But he sparkled in the sun," I said.

"There have been vampires that could survive the sun, perhaps that is how they did," he said.

I still don't know if he was pulling my leg or not.

Drinking animal blood? That is wrong on so many levels I don't know where to begin. We have to drink human blood. There is no ifs, ands, or buts about it. Otherwise we become a ghoul. Which is something I don't want to talk about now.

My biggest issue. Why high school? Are the Cullen's punishing their "children"? I know a couple of vampires that can pass as teenagers and high school would be the last place they would go. I sure the hell wouldn't.

I understand why people are obsessed with the book. I could have been one of them. There is a plus side to the new fascination with vampires. Especially ones that are nice and go to high school. Because Steopa and I can be out in the open and the ones looking for nice, young vampires, don't know they are in danger until it is too late.

Did my reaction surprise you?

Baldman Rants Part 2

The more I talk to Baldman, the more I realize that he is picky when it comes to what conspiracy theories he follows. We were talking about the chem-trail one, and he told me something scarier or sillier.

If you are not familiar. The idea is that those water vapor trails left behind by airplanes, are actually mind control chemicals. Baldman calls that theory stupid.

"It was obviously made up by someone that didn't understand basic science," he told me. "Besides, would they be so careless to leave an obvious clue?

I had to agree.

"So there are no mind control chemicals?" I asked.

"Well, um, yes there are."

Baldman went on to tell me about his ideas about bottled water. "You see everyone that drinks bottled water, is ingesting the chemicals, but it is not from the water. It is from the plastic."

I told him I know about that, that's why they pulled some plastics off the market. He tells me the opposite happened. They pulled the safe plastics and put the ones with the mind control chemicals in place. "You can test the bottle at the plant, no problem. But once it sits on the shelf for at least a week, the chemicals leech in and you drink them."

"Why?" I asked.

"To make you want to buy more. The chemical affects your pleasure part of the brain. It strokes your need to buy things."

"Why?"

"So more things will be made cheaply and with less and less safety regulations. For pollution you understand."

"I see," I said. "And the water bottles can be part of the pollution too?"

"Exactly."

Scary thing is, this makes a bit of sense.

Do you think I should stop talking to Baldman?

Odd Person Again

I saw him again. That strange man, whose watch set my fangs off.

We had gone down to the square. The Irish festival had been going on all day and we went to find some unfortunate drunkard. The beer had not been flowing long enough, so the drunks were hard to find.

I saw him standing next to the east stage. He wore the same outfit he had at the club. Which with all the green, looked out of place. Steopa and I had been standing next to one of the speakers. I was watching a tall man, who was bouncing back and forth between two groups.

When I saw the odd person, he looked in my direction. We stared at each other for a moment. Then he walked right toward us. I tapped Steopa on his arm. The man made it up to us before we had a chance to leave.

"Excuse me," he said. "Are you Steopa and Rebecka?"

Okay, that was weird.

"Who are you?" Steopa asked.

"You can call me Traveler." He bowed.

He really bowed. Steopa has done it to me, but it is still strange to see.

"How do you know us?" Steopa asked.

"I have been looking for you."

"Why?" I asked.

He pulled out his pocket watch. "I am sorry, I will have to talk to you later, about this."

He hurried away. We followed him. But by the time we had turned the corner, he was gone. Steopa jumped to the roofs to look for him, but Traveler was gone.

Should this bother me?

More Strange Sounds

There was nothing else to do a few nights ago. So we went back to our place. Steopa was practicing his fencing. I was at the computer talking to Baldman. A normal night. Then I heard another strange noise.

This one sounded like a high pitch whir. Steopa stopped his fencing. We looked at each other. The whir lasted for a long time. Steopa hung up his sword. He walked into our bedroom. I had to shut my chat off with Baldman. The whirring continued for a long time. I heard Steopa hit the wall in our bedroom. It stopped.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Nothing," he said.

"It sounded like a dentist drill."

Steopa picked up his rapier and started to practice again. I went into our bedroom. I could see where Steopa had hit the wall, the steel had buckled. I went back out to the other room. Steopa kept practicing.

If these sounds came from above, I would not be so unnerved.

What the hell is going on?